A-Zha-Va-Da-Vou

I’m not sure where the phrase came from. A-Zha-Va-Da-Vou. Quite possibly, it was adapted from Simlish. After all, both Kelly and I were avid Simmers. It’s how we met. These days, however, A-Zha-Va-Da-Vou is a phrase used by Kelly and I to convey one of three things.


1. I am too exhausted to create anymore coherent speech and, thus, I am going to resort to nonsense so that you might understand just how exhausted I really am.

2. In question form: I know you said something, but you mumbled, and I didn’t understand you. Say it again please? (Most often heard on a cell phone.)

3. My brain hurts. I reject your reality and substitute my own. Mine is better. There are men with white jackets. And lots of flowers. And candy. And flying pigs. And purple frogs.

Tonight, I am using it for both reasons 1 and 3.

I should be doing Government. I really should.

See, I made a miscalculation about the test date and assignment due date. I thought it was Thursday. But I was wrong. I, of course, realized this on Tuesday morning at approximately 2 am.

And, because I absolutely hate my Government class, I hadn’t even looked at the text. Or the assignment. Or the discussion board for this unit.

So up I got this morning, and into the text I went. That was at 10. It is now 2 AM on Wednesday, and I am still doing Government. With the exception of the time I spent eating, and the time I spent arguing with Kelly, I have been doing Government nearly all day.

I hate Government.

I’d rather study biology.

I’d rather study homoerotic football.

I’d rather study the formation of dust on oak trees in the desert.

(Are there oak trees in the desert? Are they dusty?)

Alas, I it is Government that I must learn. And it’s making me violent, I tell you. I really think I’m on to something here. Kids aren’t violent because of video games. They aren’t violent because of observational learning. Move over, Bandura… I have the answer.

Kids are violent because they’re BORED. Probably someone tried to teach them Government.

This stuff should come with a warning.

“Excessive studying of Government materials may cause violent urges, including, but not limited to: suicide, homicide,assault, battery, and pulling of all hair from head, lighting it on fire, and dancing naked around it while yodeling. Also, excessive studying of Government materials may cause insanity. See last example.”

I don’t want to read about earmarks. Or Congress. Or Congressmen named Mark. Or Congressmen with ears. Or men named Mark who happen to have ears.

Unfortunately, I still have three more questions to answer on the assignment before I go to bed. This translates into roughly fifteen actual questions. My professor is a fan of multi-part questions.

Multi-part questions, to quote my Dear Friend Dan, blow goats. Kelly might say that they suck big, hairy donkey balls.

And I know it isn’t politically correct, but I just don’t want to associate with anything or anyone who both blows goats and sucks on donkey balls. I just don’t need that kind of bestiality in my life.

Then, in the morning, I have to get up, read another chapter, commit the three I read today to memory, and go take an exam on these chapters.

Then I have to go to Economics.

The day just keeps looking better and better. (Of course, I kind of like economics. Shhh….)

But really, I’ve just hit that point where I don’t care.

You know, in the cartoons, when all of the animals are in a band?

Just GO with me here….

And then Daffy Duck inadvertently gets his head slammed between the two cymbals, and it squishes him? And then birds fly around his head? (Should they really BE birds for a duck? Shouldn’t there be flying people instead? That would make more sense anyway. Flying birds are NORMAL.)

Anyway. That’s kind of where I am right now.

Maybe my professor won’t care if the homework isn’t coherent?

Sigh.

A-Zha-Va-Da-Vou.

*Bobs
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