It’s 9 AM and I’m sitting in Jester, killing the two hours before my first class of the day. I’m here, not because of a deep and abiding love for getting to campus two hours early, but because of parking. My lot fills up by 9:15.
Tell me, please, how a university that has 7000 some odd commuters can possibly think that it’s a good idea to have fewer than 4000 parking spaces available? I don’t get it.
Either way, I started my day on campus like any other day. Hiking through the (currently) cold weather, catching the first bus I could find, and heading here to Jester: Home of the Breakfast Taco. Knowing that I was going to be at this table for two hours, I picked up three potato, egg, and cheese tacos, a Dr. Pepper, and a bottle of chocolate milk. This isn’t unusual for me.
I’m a grazer.
Like a cow.
But prettier, I think.
I got to the cashier – a lovely, older woman, who took one look at my three tacos and smiled knowingly. “Those aren’t all for you, are they?” She asked. I did a double take. “What?” I asked. “Not that it’s any of my business,” she said. “But those aren’t ALL for you?”
Because it’s early, and because it isn’t a brilliant idea to antagonize cashiers (I used to be one), I just shook my head. Told her no. Tossed my apparently ginormous number of tacos in a bag and slinked off to my table in the corner, where no one could see me consuming my weight in Taco. But what I was really thinking was, to steal one of Kelly’s favorite phrases, WHAT THE FRACK?
Why yes, I am eating three tacos. Does your question imply that I’m too little of a girl to consume so many calories, or that I am working my way to a Sophomore Fifteen? Were you trying to ask me if I’m pregnant? Do pregnant women eat three breakfast tacos? Is there some reason that I shouldn’t eat multiple tacos? Taco poisoning?
Should I be worrying about a Willie Wonka-like intervention? And if so, do I get to pick my punishment? Drowning in a river of taco filling? Blowing up into the size and shape of a taco? And will the Oompa Loompas sing at me?
Is it possible that I’m over-thinking this?
But seriously lady. It’s cold and I’m not a morning person. Back the frack off of my breakfast choices.