I would much rather be writing about something else.
I would much rather be thinking about something else.
But because I am an obsessive-compulsive with a background in scrupulosity, or religious obsession, there is only one thing consuming my mind right now. The world is supposed to end tomorrow, according to a certain fundamentalist. And this… this, I can’t get out of my mind.
I could try to distract myself from it. I could go ahead and write about my awesome night playing poker, trying all the while to pretend that the thoughts running through my mind aren’t there, aren’t terrifying, aren’t making my hands shake and my heart race. But I won’t. Because in the long run, that isn’t going to help anyone. Least of all, me.
Let’s get one thing straight: I’m a Christian. Not the beat-you-over-the-head-with-my-engraved-Bible kind of Christian, but a Christian all the same. The faith I’ve come to have is, perhaps, not orthodox — but it is mine, and I love it. It is my personal belief system; one that has room for homosexuality, feminism, and yes, other religions. My personal relationship with my God, and I’ve never had any inclination to force it on anyone else.
That being said, I hope I’m not offending too many people with this next statement. I HATE fundamentalist Christian crackpot fear mongers.
Don’t get me wrong. If you want to me a militant fundamentalist, more power to you. Your life. But when your beliefs start leaking out into my world, and screwing with the obsessive-compulsive in me, I have a problem. When you start using your beliefs to scare the living hell (literally) out of people, so that they will believe like you? I wouldn’t be okay with that if I didn’t have a disorder that sunk its claws into me every time I heard the word “rapture.”
The thing is, I know that this whole “end of the world” thing is bullshit. Some crackpot pulled a few numbers out of a hat and stuck them together in an arbitrary manner. He’s done this whole prediction thing before, and he sucked at it then.
May the 21st? That seems an awfully silly date. It’s not a very round number. It doesn’t even add up to 7. It’s like he opened a calendar and then threw a dart, blindfolded.
The “non-believers” he’s trying to “reach” don’t give a damn about what he says, except for its comical value. Those who subscribe to different religions don’t give a damn about what he says because it’s irrelevant to them. Most “normal” Christians look at him and think, “gee, you contradict yourself an awful lot buddy,” and then dismiss him as annoying. So the only people he’s really getting to? The ones who already subscribe to his beliefs. And those of us who lack proper filtering mechanisms in our minds to be able to completely dismiss the bull for what it is. This category includes children and the mentally ill. And if anything, he isn’t making us want to jump on the bandwagon for his belief system – he’s just… scaring us senseless.
In short: He’s a bully preying on the vulnerable and using a religion that I love to scare people into listening to him. He’s making Christians look bad.
And even though I know this objectively, the OCD Badger in my head is what-iffing me to death.
Because my filters don’t work.
And let’s face it – my life leaves a lot for the Badger to what if over. I mean, in the past 48 hours alone, I’ve drunk alcohol, I’ve gambled, I’ve lied (you can’t really play poker without doing this, but I’m not sure where “lying while gambling” falls on the spectrum), I’ve worn makeup, I’ve dropped the f-bomb approximately seventeen thousand times, and I’ve made fun of fundamentalist Christian crackpot fear mongers.
If the world ends tomorrow, I may be screwed.
I still have dirty dishes in the sink. And my bed is unmade. And I need to buy dog food.
I’m trying to laugh. I really am. This is the strategy I’ve adopted for dealing with obsessions – I call it the Harry Potter Method. It’s like dealing with a Boggart. If I just point my wand at the Badger and say ‘RIDIKULUS!” and try to make the whole thing as funny as humanly possible, I might be able to survive it. (To be fair, Kelly’s been using this method with me for years. She’s in Iowa right now. I hate Iowa.)
I don’t like to get political here. I usually make it a point to not be insulting to anyone in writing. But quite honestly, I’m fed up with the fear mongering. I’m almost as much pissed off as I am scared. So as far as I’m concerned, this guy who is using my faith for his own personal agenda, feeding off my fear, making a mockery of Christianity…
well, if he thinks real hard about it, I’m sure he can figure out where I would like to tell him to go.