Posts tagged ‘control freak’

15 June, 2011

The Rules of Cleaning (and Other Adventures in Housekeeping)

I’ve been cleaning.

I know that isn’t much of a shocker coming from me, the resident obsessive-compulsive, but there you have it. I’ve been cleaning all day long. And you know what? I’m still not done. In fact, I think the apartment is messier than it was when I started this morning.

The thing is… well… I’m particular. Some of it is OCD, some of it is just me being a control freak. Some of it is done because it doesn’t “feel right” otherwise. Some of it is just common sense. Either way, I’ve developed a system.

Here are a few of my ground rules:

Start with the kitchen. The clean laundry has to go through there and you don’t want to have to rewash it if it falls out of the basket and onto the floor, which it is likely to do, since you wait until it piles up to wash it instead of doing it a load at a time.

The fridge must be cleaned out before the dishwasher can be loaded. The fridge must be cleaned out wearing rubber gloves. Okay. This one is definitely OCD. I’m afraid of mold. And milk. Really, REALLY afraid of spoiled milk.

The floor has to be vacuumed before laundry can be folded on it. This usually involves stealing my neighbor’s vacuum, as she caused mine to blow up. Really. She plugged it into her wall and it blew up.

Things can NOT be put away into unorganized drawers. I’ve been like this ever since I was a little girl. I used to get in so much trouble because my dad would tell me to clean, then come back four hours later and find an even bigger pile of toys on the floor where I’d dumped everything out. Even then, I couldn’t bear to just shove stuff into drawers and boxes, and I still can’t. Just ask Kelly. Yesterday, she caught me cleaning out her kids toy chest because it was so disorganized. But hey, I found two pair of pajama bottoms and a shoe. Don’t tell me organizing isn’t worth it.

Clothes must all hang facing the front of the closet, sorted by colors and sleeve length. Not a problem until I find something that got shoved into the closet backwards by accident one morning and end up redoing the whole thing.

Finish with the bathroom. Because you’re going to be showering there when you’re done anyway and you don’t want to have to clean the shower twice. And speaking of showering…

You can’t be clean in a dirty house. This one baffles people who assume that a ‘being clean’ compulsion must go along with multiple daily showers. But I absolutely can not stand to be clean in a less than clean environment. When I step out of my shower, I don’t want to immediately feel dirty again. That’s not to say that I DON’T shower, only that once I start the cleaning process, I have to finish cleaning before I can shower.

None of these rules are so terrible in and of themselves, but here’s my problem.

I have to start with the kitchen. Fine. But that means I need to clean out the fridge. And the fridge is scary because there might be mold there. I can’t load the dishwasher until the fridge is cleaned out and I can’t clean the kitchen until the dishwasher is loaded. If I skip the laundry, I don’t have to do the kitchen, but I have a month’s worth of laundry to do and it’s all over the floor. But even if I do the laundry, which requires emptying the fridge of the spoiled milk and possibly dying, I can’t fold it because the floor is covered in dog hair and I can’t vacuum until I pick up the clutter that’s on the floor. But I can’t put away the clutter on the floor because I have to dump out the drawers and stuff where the clutter goes because they aren’t organized the right way.

Is anyone else getting a Vizzini in the Princess Bride feel from this argument?

The result is that it is now nearly 10:00 pm, my floor is covered in dirty laundry and emptied drawers of stuff, my dishwasher is still unloaded, and it’s too late to vacuum. And I can’t shower. Which I desperately need to do.


In other housekeeping news, I’m toying with a site redesign. I’ve purchased a domain (strange… nobody else had bought yet. I can’t imagine why) and I’m looking for a good theme that will let me run several different sections from one main blog. Kind of like Pioneer Woman does. I’d really love to run a section for OCD proper and maybe integrate my writing blog with this one. I’m not sure yet. I just want things more organized.

So stay tuned. And if you know any great WP themes that will let me do what I want, let me know would you?

I miss HTML. This CSS stuff might as well be Arabic, for all that I can understand it.

Finally, my dear readers, I have a piece of advice for you. Line your shower with garbage bags before rinsing hair dye. #Lessonlearnedthehardway

Until tomorrow (if the cleaning supply fumes don’t kill me before then)